


The junkie loves the doctor

by charlieharriss



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Domestic, Falling In Love, Family, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-10-23 00:16:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10708152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlieharriss/pseuds/charlieharriss
Summary: John goes to baker street for the first time in months to meet Sherlock. Upon seeing him again his feelings for Sherlock resurface.





	1. If you are feeling well, come to baker street

Mary is dead. That is a fact that has taken me so many months to process. The emptiness of mine and Marys once shared home is numbing, even though she still shows up from time to time. I haven’t even been able to take care of Rosie. My own daughter. _Jesus._ Disappointment settles in my skin and I go to the bathroom to wash up. Mary’s standing in the corner, arms crossed leaning against the wall.

”John”

I try to ignore her. I know it’s not real.

”No, I know it’s not _real_ but that doesn’t matter”

I turn off the tap still not uttering a word.

”I’m dead. I’ve died. You know that, don’t you” she says softly, but also firmly.

”I know”

”So would you just stop this? Just _stop_ John. I’m not real”

a few moments of silence passes. I turn around. 

The bathroom is empty.

I slowly make my way back to the bedroom, head throbbing and my mind clouded with thoughts.

Sleep.

 

I wake up to the sound of my phone vibrating on my bedside table. With a sigh, I sit up and unlock my phone.

 

**If you are feeling well come to baker street. New case-SH**

 

I roll my eyes. Sherlock has been trying to get me out on a case for weeks. Even in spite of this I still feel a smile pulling at the corners of my mouth. It was kind of him to at least take my well-being into consideration.

 

5.24 ever so slightly light up the room with a dim, warm light. I get out of bed with a sigh. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.

 

—

 

After the cab ride into central London I feel completely washed out. The familiar scene of Speedy’s sandwichbar and the black door with gold numbers is infront of me. A warm feeling appears in my stomach and I’m surprised. I haven’t felt this much for so long. Everything has just been… _numb_. 

 

I climb the stairs two at a time, without even saying hello to Mrs. Hudson. As I step inside the hallway I can’t hear Sherlock bustling in the kitchen or playing his violin or firing guns, instead I’m met with an eery silence. I feel uncomfortable. Like I’m intruding.

”Sherlock?” 

I walk into the living room looking around for the tangle of dark locks to appear out of somewhere. But they don’t.

”Sherlock?” I call out a little louder, searching the kitchen and bathroom.He is still nowhere to be seen. I hesitate before I open the door to Sherlocks room. As I enter the room my eyes immediately fall onto the bundle of sheets on the bed, and the body breathing peacefully under them. _Sherlock_. I melt a little at the sight. Sherlock, was _sleeping_.

A chuckle escapes my lips. A few minutes pass and I find myself frozen in the room, staring at Sherlock. His body moving up and down with every breath, his black curls spread out and tangled over the fabric of his pillow. I take a slow step forward. Sherlocks face looks so calm, soft… So unlike Sherlock. His scent rolls up my nose in waves and it makes me feel lightheaded. He smells like aftershave and soap and something sweet and fresh. I inhale deeply and try to remember it. I reach out a hand to gently stroke Sherlocks hair from his forehead. Sherlocks eyelashes flutters and I panic, quickly retracting my hand and taking two steps back, with my cheeks flushing. He sits up rubbing his eyes. I can see him flinch at the sight of me standing in his bedroom, well, staring at him.

”John” He says, sleep still in his voice

”Hi, Yes, I-um. Sorry. I didn’t think you were in”

”Why wouldn’t I?”

”Well it was just so… Quiet”

Sherlock throws his legs over the mattress and messily runs his fingers through his black hair. I look down at my feet trying to think about something else to make the blood in my cheeks disappear. It doesn’t work.

Sherlock lifts himself of the bed, the sheets sliding off his body and exposing his bare chest. I nearly fall over. He walks over to were I’m standing and reaches out hand, and for one insane moment i think he’s going to take hold of my face and kiss me. This is not what happens. 

He grabs his dressing gown which is hung up behind me and slides the blue silk over his exposed chest and ties it around his waist. I exhale shakily and follow him out to the living room. 

 

Anger washes over me for feeling so… whatever that was.

My feelings for Sherlock has always existed, even if my time with Mary dulled them a bit. Mary, being who she was, quickly realized this, or at least realized that i found him attractive. However she wasn’t disgusted or disappointed, she rather egged me on. Mary was fully aware of my bisexuality. Sherlock, being Sherlock, most certainly also knew. It felt very strange to have Mary know, when I barely knew myself. So I had ignored Sherlock and my Bisexuality, in fear of my father cutting me off as he had done with my gay sister.

I sigh. 

After that first night at Angelos when he turned me down I’ve never had the courage to act on my feelings. I’ve tried to get over him, but the second I see him my heart skips a beat.

 

Sherlock is making tea in the kitchen.

I chuckle ”Do you eat anything but tea and biscuits?”

”Yes, just not at home, I can’t be bothered going to the shop. It makes my mind rott with all the stupidity, and since Mrs. Hudson won’t do my shopping anymore, because "she's not my housekeeper", I avoid it.”   


”You’re so…”

”So what?” He asks sounding rather annoyed

He locks my eyes ”I don’t know”

Sherlock looks away and chuckles smugly.


	2. would you like too have dinner?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John goes out for brunch, and later take care of Rosie. Sherlock can't stop imagining that they're a couple and that Rosie is their daughter.

After we’ve finished drinking tea, sitting in our usual armchairs discussing my latest experiment, I feel like I’ve traveled back in time. There’s something about just sitting in our same old chairs gazing at each other that makes me feel incredibly content.  
”So, what’s the case you wanted me to help you with?” John looks at me and sets down his teacup on the table in front of him.”Oh…” I clear my throat ”It wasn’t that important. I solved it with Lestrade. Just a little murder”  
i can feel little pearls of sweat forming on the back of my neck. I didn’t have a case. But I couldn’t tell him that. That I just wanted to see him. No he’d just think it was odd.  
”Okay…” John looks… disappointed? Does he want to come on a case with me? Why would he want that? To spend time with me? So that we might grow close again, so he might move in again, so he might… I stop my train of thought before it can blow completely out of proportion.

I stand up and Johns gaze follows me.  
”Would you like to have dinner?” I blurt out.  
John looks startled ”Well, yes but it’s only 9 am. Isn’t it a bit to early for dinner?”  
”Breakfast then”  
The expression on Johns face is unreadable. After a few beats he answers with ”Yes, alright then”

I walk swiftly to my bedroom and put on black trousers, black socks and a navy shirt. A smirk forms on my lips and I decide to put on some cologne as well as a simple silver wrist-watch. This process takes about ten minutes, and when I return to the living room Johns gaze is still frozen on my chair.  
”How are you?” I ask  
”What?” John eyes me ”Since when do you ask those kinds of questions?”  
”I don’t know it sort of…just, happened… oddly enough I meant it”  
”Hrm. Ehm I’m, um, fine” He says still eyeing me up and down, over and over.  
”I was thinking we could go to Angelo’s”  
”Yes that’d be nice, we haven’t been there in ages”  
My mind lingers on the word we ”Precisely my thoughts”

John is already making his way into the hallway, so I grab my phone of the desk and join him.  
The London morning is crispy and fresh wiping away any remains of sleepiness in my brain. There is already a considerable amount of people outside, but, I quickly remind myself that it makes sense because it’s Tuesday.  
The taxi ride is silent, but it’s a comfortable silence. I gaze out the window watching little drops of water spray onto the glass window. London is as gray and rainy as ever.

As we make our way across the crowded street towards Angelo’s restaurant I can feel John’s arm brushing ever so slightly against my arm with each step. Every touch burns through the fabric of my coat. I push open the door to the restaurant, letting John in before me and then follow him through the small space to a table for to in the corner. It has a candle and salt and pepper on it. 

Once we’re seated Angelo comes up to our table to take our order.  
”Back again are we?” Angelo asks fondly  
”Yes” John confirms with a polite smile  
”So you two…still going strong?”  
I feel a sting in my stomach and prepare for Johns sharp words to start rolling of his tongue, but there’s none to hear.  
”Yes” John replies short and sweet. Warmth fills my body to the brim and blood fills my cheeks as i gaze down at my hands.

Angelo looks like a ray of sunshine when he leaves the table. I look at John.  
”What the hell was that about?”  
”What?”  
”You…” I make a gesture toward Angelo ”That”  
”Oh, I don’t know it sort of just…slipped out”  
”Oh”  
”I mean he’s always going on about me being your date so I just tried to make it easier, sorry if that-”  
”No! It’s, um, it’s fine”

John scrapes up the remains of his food onto his fork as I put on my coat.  
”We better get back to Rosie”  
”Yup” I answer popping the P

—

The moment John holds Rosie in his arms I can see his face light up with love and warmth. I wish he’d look at me like that…  
Her chubby arms and hands clap together fondly as she looks over at me.  
”Do you want to go to uncle Sherlock?”  
She makes a sort of gurgling sound in response. John walks over to me and Rosie immediately wrap her arms and legs around my body like a monkey. I’m slightly alarmed, which John must have noticed because he let’s out a warm chuckle.

Rosie’s brown curls tickle the tip of my nose and I start to giggle as well.  
”Are you sure it’s not best if you hold her?” I ask John ”I mean I could drop her, I’m not very good with… Babies”  
”No, I think you should learn to be good with babies. After all you are going to be around her a lot.”  
”I am?”  
”Well I guess I could need some help with…raising her, I mean as Mary isn’t…hrm… around anymore”  
Happiness bubbles around in my skin and I grin. John wants me around. He actually wants me to help him… We could become an actual family…  
I picture John and I and Rosie back in 221b. Rosie has Johns bedroom, and Him and I share a room…and a bed. John cooks breakfast and I wash the dishes. Sometimes when I’m washing up, he’ll come up behind me and put his chin on my shoulder and kiss my cheek and wrap his strong arms around me… I get lost in this thought during the rest of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is FINALLY done. Chapter three will be uploaded during the next week or so. Leave a comment saying what you think! Thanks so much for reading lovelies <3 /C


	3. a single string of sunlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John moves back in with Sherlock.

I wake from a single string of sunlight leaking in through my window, and I sit up rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Last nights events resurface in my mind and a smile stretches across my lips.  
It’s 7.22 am and the house is cold. I tiptoe downstairs only to find Sherlock in the kitchen making tea. He must’ve stayed the night. This thought excites me. I feel like a little schoolgirl.  
”Good morning” I say, standing in the doorway.  
”Morning” Sherlock answers turning around. His black curls are as messy as ever and his face looks so soft. His shirt is slightly unbuttoned and his collarbones are exposed. I have to fight the urge to walk over to him and unbutton the rest. That familiar stab of pain settles in my chest. He would never want to be with me…like that. He’s just trying to be friendly.  
”I emptied the mailbox for you” Sherlock informs me with his back turned. A different kind of pain floods over me. Shit.  
I open the envelope and scan the content. Final notice. The words drill into my head. Since Mary died I haven’t been able too work as much as earlier. And even if I had, a Doctors pay is far too little too fund a baby and a house on the outskirts of London.  
Dread enters my system. What am I supposed too do? Sherlock strides over to me. I can feel his breath against my neck and a shiver travels down my spine. I quickly fold the paper, hiding the content, but I know he’s already seen it.  
”You do know that you could always come and stay with me if, you know, you need to” Sherlock says in a matter-of-factly sort of way  
”Rosie could have my room, and I can sleep on the settee”  
A few beats of silence, and Sherlock slurping pass.  
”Really?”  
”Yes!” Sherlock says quickly  
”That would actually be great Sherlock” I say with a grateful smile.  
”Mrs. Hudson will be pleased” He chuckles.  
—  
Said and done. After just a month I’ve sold the house (with some help from Sherlock) and moved back to the heart of London.  
Mrs. Hudson is in the kitchen making tea and humming and Sherlock is in his usual navy robe in his armchair staring with immense focus at…me?  
”What is it?” I ask  
Sherlock blushes ”What? Oh, nothing just…thinking”  
About me? No. He would never think of me, at least not in the way that I would prefer.  
Another stab.  
Maybe this whole moving back in thing isn’t a good idea anyway.  
—  
After just a little over a week I’ve settled back into 221b and it feels just like the old days. When Sherlock and I would run off on cases and fight people and-  
My daydream is interrupted by Sherlock. He’s standing in the doorway to my bedroom. Just…standing. I open my mouth to ask him what’s wrong when he within seconds is sitting next to me. His features are painted with that same look of absolute concentration.  
”John.”  
”Yes?”  
”I-”  
He suddenly looks upset, almost, disappointed.  
And then, just as unexpectedly as he arrived, he’s walked out of my room.  
The tiny spark of hope I had that he was going to say that he loved me is completely extinguished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the weeks without new chapters. A lot has been happening in my personal life lately, so I don't know when chapter 4 will be up but probably during the next few weeks.  
> /C


	4. a kiss on the lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock confesses his feelings for John

What the _hell_ just happened. I stumble down the stairs. What am I doing. 

_Stopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstopstop._

The fabric of Johns armchair is beginning to fade away along with the faint idea of his scent deeply nested within the fabric. 

 

”Sherlock?” 

Is that John?The voice comes closer,as if it is emerging from the fog inside my ears.

” _Sherlock!_ ”

”What…” I very slightly open my eyelids only too find Johns face inches away from mine. I peer at him. ”Whad.do _you_ want…?” I ask accusingly waving a finger at him. He looks upset. I don't like him being upset so I lean up and kiss him. After all, I might as well make the most of my dream. I usually dream of John but they never seem to be as real as this one feels. Perhaps it’s a lucid dream. Yes, that must be it. 

I pull him closer tugging at the back of his soft hair. Wanting more. His soft lips move effortlessly, _perfectly_ , against mine. 

Suddenly he pulls away. A stinging sensation moves across my cheekbone and all my senses regain their full capacity. I’m awake. But John’s still here. 

”What in _god’s_ name are you _doing_ Sherlock?!” 

”I-… I-”

I realize that I’m on the floor, leaning against John’s armchair.

”Why am I on the floor?” 

”You passed out you git.”

”What”

”Yeah, You came down here, and then you just sort of…fell, I guess.”

Lightheadedness comes over me again and I almost fade away.

” _Sherlock_ ”

I hum in return

”Are you feeling alright?” A sudden softness in John’s voice makes me plunge back into the room. 

”I can’t move” I try to lift an arm but all the power of my body has vanished. Panic ”Why can’t I _move_ John?!”

”Hey, _Hey_ ” He cups the back of my head.

”Have you been sleeping alright?”

”I don’t know”

”Ah, it’s probably that then” 

”What John?” I say tugging at his shirt.

”Sleep. You need to sleep, come here”

John stands up and puts his strong arms around me. His scent erupts around me and I start to feel dizzy again. 

”Stop” weakly exits me 

John stands still and holds me and I lay my head against his shoulder.

He starts walking, slowly and carefully across the room, and then lightly sits me down on the settee.

Sleep.

—

”Sherlock?” 

I look up from the crossword distracting me and look over at John. The breakfast table is partly covered with porridge (placed, or rather, thrown there by rosie) and partly covered with my current experiment (how long after death hair can grow). 

”Hm?” I dread what John will say next. Yesterday was such a mess.

”Can you look at me?”

I fold the newspaper neatly in half and place my elbows on top of it, leaning in to face John.

”Yes John?”

A few beats of silence pass.

”What happened yesterday?”

”I was clearly lacking sleep and energy which caused me to pass-”

”Sherlock. You know what I mean.”

”I really don’t” I say nervously glancing back at the newspaper.

”You kissed me Sherlock. Or _we_ kissed. I don’t-”

”I didn’t think it was real” I blurt out.

John looks confused. 

”What?”

”I mean, I thought I was dreaming.”

John blushes  
”Do you…hrm- do you usually have dreams like that?”

Now it’s my turn to blush.

”Sometimes.”

John doesn’t say anything. Why isn’t he answering me.

”You know what. I have those dreams a lot. I want to kiss you and I want to help you raise rosie and I want us to sleep in the same bed and cuddle I want _you_. You’re so amazing and kind and beautiful and you smell so good and I love you.I _love_ you John.” I’m completely out of breath. I can’t read the expression on his face. I panic. Did I just say that? 

 

I stand up so quickly that my chair hits the floor. John doesn’t even wince. I rush down the stairs and out onto the cold gray pavement of baker street. Not even the rain concealing my tears can calm me down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil surprise chapter! I'm on summer break now so I might start to post more often! /C


	5. he's always loved you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am broken. everything is slowly but surely going dark again. Another day without Sherlock. Another day not worth living.

Sherlock loves me. Sherlock loves me.

”Of course he does”

I flinch. Mary’s standing behind me, leaning against the back of my chair looking smug.

”He’s always loved you, you’ve just been too stupid too see it” She walks around and sits down on the chair were Sherlock was sitting just a few moments ago.

”He has?”

”Well, you must know, as I’m just your imagination”

I don’t answer.

”Well,go on then, he’s going to be gone if you don’t hurry up”  
She’s right. I can’t lose him now. He can’t disappear.

I rush downstairs and out in to the rainy street, frantically looking for some sign of the tall figure I love so dearly. 

”Sherlock!” I call.

There’s no reply.

—

It’s been two weeks since Sherlock vanished. Everything is slowly but surely turning dark again. Rosie is with Molly. I don’t eat. I don’t sleep. I don’t even talk to Mrs.hudson. The only thing I can do is hope. Hope that Sherlock will come back. Hope that I’ll finally be able to press my lips against his. 

It’s 2.34 am and the flat is dark. I’m sitting in Sherlocks armchair with I have switched so that it now faces the window. This is were I sit, trying to soak up the remains of his scent in the leather cushions, gazing out the window too see if he will be walking down the street. It’s still raining and I can hear it hitting the pavement and the cars outside. Other than a few taxis and a couple of intoxicated women, the streets lay quiet. 

Mary has been appearing more regularly. I don’t really know if it’s a good, or a bad thing. She comforts me sometimes, and other times she convinces me that I’m going mad. 

—

The morning arrives and I sit up. My swollen eyes and the salty, dry streaks of skin unveils that I’ve been crying. This, by now isn’t a rare event and I try and rub the memory of it out of them. Another day with no Sherlock. Another day not worth living. I move my body up from the armchair and turn around, aiming too go to the kitchen for a drink. Sherlock is standing in the doorway. A jet-black mop of curls hides his face, but i know it’s him. He’s pale and has an idea of a beard growing. There is a tear in his beloved coat. 

”Sherlock?”

He doesn’t reply. I take a slow step towards him and I immediately know he’s been using.

Sherlock tries to take a step into the flat, but collapses. 

” _Shit_ ” I exclaim under my breath. 

”Mrs. hudson!” I shout.

I can hear her coming up the stair. Panic starts to grow nearer but I push it away and focus. 

Mrs. hudson appears on the top of the stairs and I see the color drain from her face. 

”Oh dear” She whispers

”Call an ambulance.”

”What?”

” _Call an ambulance. NOW!_ ”

 

I kneel down and feel Sherlocks wrist desperately searching for a pulse. His skin feels like paper, but underneath it there’s a reassuring beat. 

 

”Sherlock” I whisper.

His eyelashes flutter and he murmurs something. 

”I’m here, Sherlock, everything’s going to be fine”

He focuses all of his attention too lifting his arm up and fisting the fabric of my shirt. That one, simple gesture of affection sends me off the cliff. Tears begin too trickle down my cheeks against my will. 

Seeing Sherlock so weak, yet so emotional makes me crumble.

I very gently cup the back of his neck with my hand and I hold him until the ambulance arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a short-ish chapter, there will be more soon! Also I changed my username :)


	6. all that's left is pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wake up and realize John is in my room. I tell him.

The sensation of rough hands lifting me and the noise of sirens pierce my foggy brain.

_John._ The first thought that hits me when I ever so slightly register what's going on. 

I attempt to curve my tongue and utter the words, but to no use. It all just sounds messy.

"I'm here Sherlock, it's OK"

Everything but Johns soft voice fades out.

My limbs are as heavy as led but even so I reach out and attempt too take ahold of his hand. John must have noticed this, for only a moment after i feel his warm skin against mine and all is well. Even though my body feels cold, my hand is warm, and then so am I.

 

Sleep.

 

John is asleep. He is sitting in a hard plastic hospital chair and breathing softly. By the state of him I deduce that he's been here for hours. His hair is tangled and he's got circles underneath his eyes. I on the other hand is sitting upright in a hospital bed, with an uncomfortable hospital gown wrapped around me. Too my surprise, there are no IV drips connected to my body. 

The edge of my view is still blurry and I rub my eyes to eliminate it. 

Now, fully awake I scan my surroundings. 

The room is painted white, and it has a gray plastic floor. On one side of the room there is a door, which most likely leads too a waiting room or a corridor of some shape or form. There is a desk, and a chair, which John is occupying has turned too face me. There is a bed, which I am in, and a window. 

"John"

John wakes up with a look of surprise on his face. His expression goes from surprise too warmth.

"Don't you dare do that ever again William Sherlock Scott  _bloody_ Holmes. I was worried sick."

"I'll do my best" 

"I'm not kidding. You could have died Sherlock."

"I'm sorry"

Johns stern face softness somewhat and a smile stretches across his face.

"Git" I hear him mutter under his breath

A few beats of silence pass until John brakes the silence.

"What happened?"

"Do you mean 'what happened' as in what caused me too be put in hospital or do you mean 'what happened' as in what happened during that morning two weeks ago?" I ask letting a tone of sarcasm and irritation slip it's way in to the conversation. 

John, however doesn't pick this up and continues with; "Both actually."

"I'll start with what caused me too be in hospital"

"Yes alright then."

"I was upset, so I took a cab too one of my little back alleys in London which is calm enough too think. I thought. And I stayed there. Whilst thinking."

Silence.

"That's it?" John looks annoyed "You  _thought_ for two weeks?"

"Yes, and-"

"No-no-no-no-no. You thought for two weeks. Am I understanding this correctly?"

"Yes, but just let me get too the point"

"Sherlock why the  _hell_ didn't you call me?"

"I prefer texting"

"Yes I  _know_ you sod." He sighs. "Alright go on then" He makes a sort of waving motion with his hand to indicate that I am to continue speaking.

"My conclusion is that I think I should move out. Find some other place where I'm not in the way of you and Rosie. And I don't want you too come on cases with me anymore either, as they will distract you from your job and your fatherly duties." 

When I've finished my monologue I feel like crying. I love John. But he doesn't love me. He doesn't love me.

Johns features are completely blank. He barely blinks. When a minute or two has passed without an answer from John I clear my throat. 

"John?"

He looks up at me with such an shattered look in his eyes I almost crumble myself. Without uttering a word, he stands up, zips up his coat and exits the room.

All that's left is pain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angstangstangst. SORRY I promise it'll get better!!!


	7. a visit from mycroft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mycroft tells John off for getting Sherlock in the eye of the press

My brown leather shoes are soggy from the puddles on the pavement caused by the never-ending rain. 

The water has been soaked up by my socks and they complain about it with each step I take. My mind is completely blank. I can't fit a single thought in my brain. The acute pain is the only thing possessing my body. It hurts all the way out to my fingertips. But then anger rushes over me.  _Fine_. I shouldn't feel sad. It's his loss anyway. If he wants to move out, then let him. I don't need him. 

The gloomy hallway of 221b greets me with memories of Sherlock. I close the door with a bang in order to chase them away. I hear Mrs.Hudson squeal from her apartment but I don't care. I hurry up the stairs, climbing them two at a time, desperate to indulge in the silky fabric of my bed and attempt to forget it all.

Once in our, no  _my_ , apartment I feel washed out. All of the built-up emotion from Sherlocks horrid speech floods over me and I begin sobbing. Uncontrollable waves of complete and utter sorrow wash over me and I let them, sinking into the all to familiar feeling. My body feels weaker than ever before and I let myself descend to the floor.

 

When I've calmed down enough to stand up, I hang up my coat and desert the hallway, heading for the bathroom. On the area of the shelves above the sink I see Sherlocks items. These include hair gel, aftershave, perfume and deodorant. I have to force myself not to reach for them. To distract myself I run a bath. Baths usually help with most issues. 

I strip and let my tense body settle in the warm water. I immediately feel a little better. My muscles soften and I can relax. I close my eyes and permit my head to sink below the surface. My headache fades away and so does the sorrow. My mind returns to the cold, unfeeling state that it was in earlier.

After about an hour or two, when the warm water has turned cold, and I've washed my hair (using his shampoo) I get out of the bath and drain it. By now it's around 3 o'clock but I can't face anymore of today, so I put on one of Sherlocks old shirts and climb into bed. The sheets are cold and I long with all my being for Sherlocks body next to mine.

Sleep.

This morning it isn't the single string of sunlight that has been interrupting my sleep that wakes me. Today, it is a bang on the door. It takes me by surprise, and instead of my muscles slowly awakening and my eyes getting used to the bright light of dawn, I bolt upright and am at once fully awake. Another bang. I scuttle out of bed and hurry to the door.

Mycroft. The sight of him unleashes an automatic eye-roll. 

"Mycroft" I say with the most polite tone of voice one could imagine.

"Dr.Watson" He replies, not even glancing at me.

He strides into the living room with the same arrogant aura as usual. He has his umbrella in one hand and todays paper in another, which he unfolds and holds up to show me. "Consulting detective sick?" it reads. This sets off yet another eye-roll. 

"Jesus" I mutter below my breath.

"Precisely my thoughts"

Mycroft places the paper and his umbrella by the table and strides over to sit down in Sherlocks chair. This bugs me, probably, more then it should.

"John, i can not have the press go hunting down my brother again, tracking his every movement, practically spying on him. He does not function well in that environment."

"And what am I supposed to do to influence that?" I notice my sharp tone of voice, but with Mycroft it comes naturally.

"Solve the problem"

"What pro-"

"The  _problem,_ or should I say childish quarrel that you and Sherlock are having. Without it Sherlock will with no doubt be more 'under the radar' so to speak."

I scoff. "Are you-"

Mycroft sticks up a finger. "I don't want to hear it."

And just like that he leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might try to upload a new chapter every few days instead of every few weeks! Idk i'll try.


	8. i love you

I have been standing outside of the entrance of our, no Johns, apartment for approximately an hour now. However, I assess the milieu once again. It isn't much of a milieu, all that is in my field of vision is the black wooden door. It is painted black, but you can still regard the recognizable indents of wood. The paint has a few cracks here and there, were you can see the familiar pale beige color poking through. I can't hear John walking around or cooking or taking the occasional sip of tea. I haven't heard him doing  _anything_ really. I'm starting to suspect that he might not even be inside. Who knows? He might be out drinking at a pub with some girl. My spirit sinks low after that thought.

After another fifteen minutes I decide to go inside. Very carefully I press down the metal handle and push the door, which complains loudly. The living room is empty, The kitchen is empty, the bathroom is empty. It seems as if he has deserted the entire flat.

"John?"

No reply.

I open the door to his bedroom door and step inside. John is sitting on his bed, in sweatpants and... My t-shirt? The t-shirt is somewhat too big for him. This causes his neck and collarbones to be exposed. His hair is damp and he has a book in his hand. We make eye contact.

I feel awful. Like I'm intruding. John just looks at me. He is silent, and his eyes have no emotion. I decide to break the silence.

"I'm sorry" I start.

He doesn't move.

"John. I'm so sorry" My voice breaks and I can feel the tears threatening to spill over. I clear my throat.

"I don't want to move. I don't know why I said that. I love you. All the things I said that morning were true. I don't know if you love me but even if you don't I want to be in your life. I always want to be with you."

My body is filled to the brim with naked emotion and there's no hiding it. I start to cry. Silently tears trickle down my face. I taste the salt and they tickle. I haven't cried for months, no years. I don't look at John. I don't want him to see me like this. I am about to leave the room when i hear John stand up. I spin around and I see that he is crying too. Neither one of us says anything. John steps closer and so do I. All of a sudden his lips are against mine and in one second I am bubbling with joy. But then I come crashing down. I pull away and sit down on the bed. John looks upset.

"What's wrong" He asks, looking down at me with worry in his voice.

"What is this to you?" I ask trying to control my emotions.

"What?"

"John, I _need_ to know if this means as much to you as it does to me. I can't come this far and then just have it forgotten about, or not being serious. Please." My voice is shaking again.

A beat passes and John is silent.

"Of course I love you Sherlock."

I look up with a sudden warmth in my body.

"I've always loved you. I didn't think you loved me. I never thought _you_ , the clever, handsome consulting detective would ever love _me._ "

Another beat.

"Can I..."

"Can you what?" John asks softly

"I would like to kiss you" I mentally slap myself. I sound like a five-year-old.

John takes ahold of my neck and moves our lips closer. Our foreheads lightly touch and it feel like electricity running through my body. Lips and teeth come together and I feel euphoric. I place one of my hands in Johns hair and I lightly tug it. This, it seems, John enjoys because the moment after he begins kissing me more roughly and passionately. I return. My heart is pumping and my dopamine soaked brain soars even higher at the sensation of John sucking a love bite on to my neck. I arch my neck in pleasure and he pulls away with a smile. By this point we are both laying down on the bed, John on top of me and our legs tangled together at the end of the bed. 

John looks down hungrily and starts unbuttoning my shirt, placing a kiss on the skin that the shirt uncovers. I sit up and wrap my arms around Johns waist, as he pulls off his t-shirt. This is the first time I've seen him shirtless. His torso is, although softened by the years out of the military, is muscular and smooth. I melt.

"John you're...you're amazing"

He replies with a toe-curling kiss and pushes me down onto the bed and continues sucking love bites onto my exposed chest. When he reaches the lower half of my chest he pulls down my trouser and my pants. 

I roll him over and do the same. 

I wrap my fingers around his already aroused length and he lifts his back off the sheets in pleasure. In between fiery kisses John does the same and eventually, rolls me over. His lips are rosy and wet and he has a wild look in his eyes. He pins down my wrists, turns me over and start to work me open. I let out a moan of delight. 

John enters me, softly at first, and then he begins to thrust deeper and deeper into me. I can no longer contain myself. With each plunge I completely lose myself in the sensation. He speeds up our bodies moving effortlessly, _perfectly_ , against each other. John orgasms and I’m not far behind. He pulls away and kisses me. 

 

I feel such contentment when I start to drift off, John pulled closely, his hair tickling the tip of my nose. 

 

”I love you” I whisper.

 

I hear a muffled ”I love you too” from John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this will be the last chapter for about two weeks as I'm going on holiday and probably won't have the opportunity too write there. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!! Sorry if it's a bit bad, it's my first time writing smut.


	9. rosie

Sherlock.

The first thing that surfaces in my mind when I wake.

I attempt to turn over, but find that my arms is stuck underneath a certain consulting detective.  

All I can see is a mop of black curls above me and Sherlocks firm chest. Instead of getting up, like I should do to go and pick up Rosie, I slip back into bed and snuggle close to him. I inhale deeply and Sherlocks scent fills my nose and intoxicates me. His muscles start to move and I hear a low grunt from above me.

"That tickles" Sherlock whines

I reply with planting a kiss on his abdomen. His strong arms wrap around me tighter and I pull him closer. 

"I love you" I say

"I love you too" Sherlock replies. His voice is low and raspy. I smile.

"I have to go and pick up Rosie" I feel awful. I don't want to go, but I can't leave her hanging.

"No" Sherlock fists the back of my shirt.

"Molly's leaving in an hour, I need to be there Sherlock"

"Can I come?"

I feel pleased and reply with a "Yes, Of course"

He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. I throw my arms around his shoulders and kiss his neck. Sherlock turns around with a playful look on his face. He smiles and,in one motion, picks me up. I let out a laugh. I look like a blushing bride, my arms still around his neck.

"Put me down you git!" I laugh

"Nope" He says popping the p.

Sherlock carries me in to the kitchen, and then sits me down on the counter. I look at him. He takes my face in his two hands and kisses me. I kiss him back. 

 

After we've eaten breakfast, or rather I've eaten and Sherlock has been force fed, we step onto the pavement outside the flat. The constant drizzle that has been going on for the past couple of days has disappeared, and instead we are greeted with sunshine and a mild breeze. Sherlock calls a taxi and during the ride to Mollys apartment, we hold hands.

Molly welcomes us at the door with Rosie in her arms. She eyes us up and down and her gaze locks at our hands. 

"Are you...?" She asks

"Oh, yes, we are..." Sherlock looks over at me.

"Together" I finish.

Molly lights up "Oh how lovely!" she beams "I always wondered when you two were going to happen"

"Sorry, what" Sherlock looks surprised.

"Oh, come on, it was so obvious!" She giggles "It doesn't take a private detective to figure out you liked each other"

" _Consulting_ "

I chuckle. 

"Anyway, Rosie has been lovely, as happy as ever! Um..." She sighs "I can't remember... Oh! She's eaten all the porridge, so you might want to get some more if you haven't got any at home!"

"Thank you Molly" I tell her.

"No problem! You probably won't need me, now that she's basically got two dads-" She claps her hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that"

"It's fine" I smile.

She stays silent, poor thing, she's with no doubt too embarrassed to say anything else. Sherlock takes the initiative to bid her goodbye and within a few minutes, we are back in the cab, but with Rosie in my lap.


	10. the junkie loves the doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the finale

Bliss.

Everything is as it should be.

John and I curled up in our bed, in our room, in our apartment.

My head rests against his chest, were i can hear his heart beating and him breathing heavily.

"John"

I feel his muscles twitch as he wakes.

"Yeah?"

I smile. His voice still makes me feel as much.

"We need to get up now, Rosie needs dropping off, remember?"

I hear him mutter something about 'the sodding early mornings' before he sits up.

A few moments pass before he looks back at me.

"You too, you git" He smiles.

I sit up as well and kiss him. 

Slowly, and sweetly.

"Good morning"

__

As per usual we are late. I am mostly to blame, but it isn't my fault that John keeps distracting me with little compliments and kisses and hugs. Rosie is exited, one could read it from miles away. Despite this John still asks if she is excited. 

Rosies face lights up even more at the validation. "Of course I'm exited daddy! Today is sports day, and Tommy and I are going to beat the world record!" She exclaims and beams at the both of us. 

 

"This is our stop" I say

"But _dad_. I didn't get to press the button" Rosie moans

"You can do it on the way home dear" I reassure her.

We step off the bus and on to the pavement outside the school. Rosie holds both of our hands as we approach the entrance, but quickly let's go when she spots Tommy in the hallway. She runs inside and they do their secret handshake. I smile at his parents as we enter the building.

"Okay Rose, there is an apple in you rucksack, make sure you ask one of the teachers to help you fill your water bottle"

"Yes daddy"

"Very good" I say

"Bye daddies!" She says and hugs us.

"I'll pick you up at three!" 

A few seconds pass when John speaks.

"Our bus is here" He squeezes my hand. "She'll be fine Sherlock" He kisses my cheek.

I kiss him back and we leave the school, holding on tightly to one another.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its finally done!!!!! Im so proud of myself, as this is my first ever fic. I will be starting a phanfic soon! Thank you for all the love and support it means the world<33


	14. the junkie loves the doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the finale

Bliss.

Everything is as it should be.

John and I curled up in our bed, in our room, in our apartment.

My head rests against his chest, were i can hear his heart beating and him breathing heavily.

"John"

I feel his muscles twitch as he wakes.

"Yeah?"

I smile. His voice still makes me feel as much.

"We need to get up now, Rosie needs dropping off, remember?"

I hear him mutter something about 'the sodding early mornings' before he sits up.

A few moments pass before he looks back at me.

"You too, you git" He smiles.

I sit up as well and kiss him. 

Slowly, and sweetly.

"Good morning"

__

As per usual we are late. I am mostly to blame, but it isn't my fault that John keeps distracting me with little compliments and kisses and hugs. Rosie is exited, one could read it from miles away. Despite this John still asks if she is excited. 

Rosies face lights up even more at the validation. "Of course I'm exited daddy! Today is sports day, and Tommy and I are going to beat the world record!" She exclaims and beams at the both of us. 

 

"This is our stop" I say

"But _dad_. I didn't get to press the button" Rosie moans

"You can do it on the way home dear" I reassure her.

We step off the bus and on to the pavement outside the school. Rosie holds both of our hands as we approach the entrance, but quickly let's go when she spots Tommy in the hallway. She runs inside and they do their secret handshake. I smile at his parents as we enter the building.

"Okay Rose, there is an apple in you rucksack, make sure you ask one of the teachers to help you fill your water bottle"

"Yes daddy"

"Very good" I say

"Bye daddies!" She says and hugs us.

"I'll pick you up at three!" 

A few seconds pass when John speaks.

"Our bus is here" He squeezes my hand. "She'll be fine Sherlock" He kisses my cheek.

I kiss him back and we leave the school, holding on tightly to one another.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its finally done!!!!! Im so proud of myself, as this is my first ever fic. I will be starting a phanfic soon! Thank you for all the love and support it means the world<33


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